Lesson In Political Systems

I didn't write this, but I think god did. Its amazing (now new, with edits by norm dyer!)

Lesson In Political Systems


DEMOCRACY

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALISM

You have two cows.
The government buys one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNISM


You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

ENTREPRENEURIALISM

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and breed a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the farm subsidy program the government pays you to shoot one,
milk the other, then pour the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN INVESTMENT BANKER


You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating
you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded, unbelievably fast, trains.
Both are at the top of their class at cow tutorial school,
but one commits karoshi.
You accept this as fate because you only had room for one cow anyway.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are blond, drink only beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of paid vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
But you don't know where they are.
Someone spray-paints grafitti on your cows.
Your neighbor thinks these are insults meant for him.
He pays a hit-man to take you out.
While leaving town, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and see you have five cows.

You drink some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Russian Mafia hears about this, and takes all your cows.

NEW YORK CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Cows are not allowed in the city.
You are fined more than the cows are worth.
Before you can dispose of them, the cow manure smell so upsets your neighbors,
you are sued for property devaluation: 3.2 million.
Central Park artists create sculptures of the cows and become instantly wealthy
after appearing on the David Letterman show.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have 100 cows.

They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
All but two are illegal.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.